Short Films That Aren’t Short Enough: Steve Jobs Loved Acid

I’m trying to learn how to do stuff.


Short Films That Aren’t Short Enough: This Bitch Arm

Since this isn’t funny we just call it an art film.

It’s about the necessity of feminism in a world controlled by white hetero males.

ACCIDENTAL PHOTOGRAPHY: It runs in the family.

My sister had a baby, so my mom is (understandably) taking a lot of pictures.  The other day she wanted me to email some of the pictures to my sister. While going through the folders on the memory card, I noticed these three gems.  It’s a possibility that my own accidental photography may not be caused by the use of the HTC Trophy Windows Phone.  Instead… it may be a hereditary trait.

When I asked my mother how she managed to take these accidental shots, she replied “I kept hitting the capture button instead of the off button.”  She also stated that there were other ones, but she deleted them.  It’s a shame that she doesn’t know real art when she sees it.

Mom didn’t want to come up with names for these photos, so I took the liberty.

Digital Lines of Dated Technology


Concrete to Prevent the Flood


A Landfill for Every Table.




WHO ARE YOU TO REVIEW: dick carrots?

A friend of the family gave us a big bucket full of carrots.

One of those carrots was a bit peculiar.
But there was something familiar about it.

So I reviewed it.  Not bad, very sweet.

I think everyone should eat dick carrots.

It’s good for you.

TESTIMONIAL: Six months of this crap.

I’ve had all sorts of disc golf to play and homework to do, so I failed to write this on’s September 7th six month anniversary date.

I started this website on March 7th, 2012 as an outlet to just post whatever I want.  At the time I was three months in on my third college semester attempt and every class I selected turned out to be a writing class.  After being told what to write about so many times,  this blog was my form of a silent protest against the Man.  You can’t tell me what to write.  I’ll compose a piece about toilet paper and there’s nothing you can do about it...

There are many other outlets I could have chosen, but WordPress had the domain available, so I bought in.

In celebration of my now six month and four day anniversary of producing a blog with 90% original content (everything except the OTHER  category;) I’m going to stray away from Testimonial’s usual format where I break down the high’s and low’s of my personal life — and instead analyze the best and worst of my own website.

WHO ARE YOU TO REVIEW: Sierra Nevada Torpedo Ale?  This beer was disgusting and my on camera reaction was 100% honest.

NOW YOU KNOW: Druggies and the use of modified sign language.  Wanna go blow a dwarf?

JUICE JOHN MARKETING: My issue with a certain toilet tissue. Does a bear shit in the woods?  Does it use toilet paper?

WHO ARE YOU TO REVIEW: Fila Texas Ranger tennis shoe?  My first attempt at trying to review something besides a beer.  Then I drank a beer.

ADOLESCENT POETRY JAM: The Beauty of Winter and Robert Frost’s Poetry.  Nobody likes it, but I do.  And I’m the only one who matters to me.

THE ARTIST: Accidental Photography.  My HTC Windows Phone loves to launch into camera mode… without my consent.  I could make about six more of these posts.

ADOLESCENT POETRY JAM: I’m Still Counting.  I like to keep myself occupied with nonsense like this.

THE ARTIST: Minimalist Comics: Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Thirteen strangers liked this, so that made me like it.  Thanks guys!

PAPERS I WAS FORCED TO WRITE:  My tongue-in-cheek obituary.


GOD DAMN GENETICS  The whole category.

ADOLESCENT POETRY JAM: House of Lies.  I used to webcam the poetry readings for APJ.  On this one, I wore make-up… and this video embarrasses me.

NOW YOU KNOW: Why I remain single.  I suck at dating or even getting to know someone.  This post depresses me because I know the guy who wrote it.

NOW YOU KNOW:  I mess up.  Deleted scenes, outtakes.  I’m weird.  I like to edit video, so I record garbage.

JOHN’S JUICE  The whole category… even though I had fun doing the Fat Man Workout Plan videos.

THE ARTIST: Juice John Choreography.  Fun at the time, but I know that there’s going to come a time where I regret dancing on the internet.

PITCH: PRODUCT: Raisin M&M’s!  I thought it was a good idea, but nobody liked it.

THE ARTIST: Minimalist Comics: The price of paper has made me a pauper.  I don’t really have a following.  I’m not very social and I don’t promote this website’s existence.  So when I get a bunch of likes on a post, it makes me want to sell out.  That’s what this post was.  A bunch of people liked the first Minimalist Comic, so I rushed to make a second one.  The joke fell flat, as it wasn’t a joke to begin with.  I’m talking some real life shit in this piece.


JUICE JOHN MARKETING:  We knew that Caucasian rap music sold cars way before Dodge did that commercial featuring Eminem.

I was eighteen and just started to experiment with making music.  I made this video for some coworkers who nicknamed me ‘MeatSauce’ and for all the people that chanted “go whiteboy” on commencement day.  It’s bad and I like it, but nonetheless it’s a low point in my life.

Everything else.

THE ARTIST: MINIMALIST COMICS: The price of paper made me a pauper.